Thoughts on a year past

December is my birthday month, and I usually find myself reflecting on the past year, wondering if I have lived life in the best way, to the fullest. Here I am again, thinking about what I have accomplished, where I want to be, who I am and if I am satisfied with my life. I would say, yes I am so blessed, so fortunate where I am. I also know that there is more for me to be, I need to stretch myself further, and make the changes that I know I have needed to make it my life to feel fully centered and happy. Recently there have been a few events in the lives of a few of my friends and family that have re focused my view on quality of life and what it means to truly take advantage of the future. I don't want to take my life for granted, I don't want to wake up some day and realized I wasted time or didn't live the best life I could. I think many of us encounter these feelings, and have a desire to change their life in some way, and I admit, I often think, 'it's going to be different for me this time', or 'this year I will do this', or 'when I accomplish this I know I will be happy again.' I think that in some ways a few of my worst habits have become so comfortable, so part of me, that I am afraid of failure, afraid that if I try to change these parts of me I don't like, I won't succeed and be disappointed in myself again. I guess I am at the point in my life where changes either have to start or I am always going to think this way, be this way, and be frustrated. I guess I need to believe in myself more, believe in who I know I can be, and not be afraid of the setbacks along the way. I need to dig inside myself and realize why it is I am making changes, and have the perspective to have faith in the journey, be it difficult or perhaps painful, but in the long run: satisfying, exciting and vital.