Holiday Blues

(Warning, this is a full scale pity party, so you might just want to come back in a few days for a happier post. )

I am sick. I have been sick for 10 days now, last week it was a sinus infection, and today the good word is strep throat. I am totally overwhelmed. There are so many things left to do before Christmas and I just don't know how they are all getting done. My expectations for this holiday have completely gone to pot. Today some friends of mine had planned to take me to NYC for a surprise birthday trip. Isn't that amazing??! Do you know how hard it is to have a birthday 5 days after Christmas, and one day before the biggest party day of the year? It stinks. My amazing friends put this fantastic trip together. So nice of them, and such a fun idea...and today I couldn't go into the city because I am flat on my back sick. I feel terrible. I am so bummed out.

One of the worst parts of today is that didn't get to hold and spend time with my children. I was home listening to life go on without me downstairs. My poor little baby cried most of the day, he just wanted to be with me in my room, in my sick bed. 

I had this fantastic Christmas cookie party planned for tomorrow for all my friends, Chris even woke up this morning and baked some of my favorite holiday treats for me. No cookie party. Cancelled.

                                                                  So sad. 

I haven't finished my Christmas shopping yet. I haven't sewn G's Christmas stocking or worked on a very special gift for my Sophia. I just don't know if it is going to get done. 

I am just resigned to the fact that Christmas is coming with or without my plans. My kids will be fine, they will be happy and excited and I will just have to be satisfied with what is, and with what is not. My cup is full of gratitude for my dear hubby, he has been home this week and without him I think I might have just sunk to the bottom of the ocean. He has taken great care of me and is keeping up with the crazy. I feel bad that his much needed break is being spent running my errands, cleaaning the house, taking care of children and baking my cookies. I haven't been able to take any more photos, and we haven't been to see the lights at the temple. There have been no gingerbread houses decorated with my girls or Christmas movies watched. No singing of carols either. Bah humbug. 

I know none of these things really matter, I know that the spirit of the season is with us with or without my plans...but today I am just sad and disappointed.

 I can happily report that two weekends ago the girls and I were able to see a small version of the nutcracker here in town. A girl that we know from the studio where my girls dance was dancing the part of the sugar plum fairy. We went with dear friends and the girls loved it. 

I know there is still time to make holiday memories, and I am sure that we will.  I just need to get over these last 10 days and move ahead. Hopefully I will be well soon and I can pull it all together.